


and in these smaller designs

by starsscarmyceiling



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Los Angeles, basically they are just stupid for each other immediately, beer pong, ben is hella awkward but rey is into that, but they are both sad bois so feelings are also hard, excessive ridiculous drunk conversations, extremely horny just post adolesence with alcohol, gratuitous amounts of hand holding, rey is shoveling hot cheetos down her throat and ben is heart eyes, so those two factors makes for a real good time, soft core smut on the beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-14 16:07:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29048901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsscarmyceiling/pseuds/starsscarmyceiling
Summary: But then Rey apparently was set on murdering where he stood because she smiled and began backing away with the Cheeto bowl again, “Well, it was nice meeting you guys.”Ben had the chance to breathe once while he processed what was happening, “It was nice meeting you too!”And then she was gone. Ben threw himself back against the counter, hands on either side of him clutching at it for support.“Well that waspainfulto watch Solo. Now just what in the fuck was that?” Poe asked him incredulously.Ben felt like he was on the verge of panting, “I—I don’tknow.”...Wherein Ben Solo meets the most beautiful girl he has ever seen at a party during his first year in college. He sees her dive face first into a bowl of Hot Cheetos, and he instantly knew he was a goner.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 9
Kudos: 78





	and in these smaller designs

**Author's Note:**

> Hellllo all! Welcome welcome! So, let me just start of by saying that is literally an au of my au, based off my fic [Keep the Blinds Open](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283987/chapters/58532122). In chapter 24, Poe tells Rey of a really embarrassing story wherein Ben has no game with the ladies while they were at a party, and Ben flubs the whole thing and the girl just runs off. You can entirely thank [saratoga_grounder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saratoga_grounder/pseuds/saratoga_grounder) for this whole thing. We were just sitting there talking one day about how different that situation would have been if the girl were Rey instead. She told me I should write my first oneshot EVER about it, and I was like well OKAY. So yes, this is completely within the ktbo universe where Ben and Rey met when they were younger.
> 
> Let me just preface this by saying that you do NOT have to have read my fic to enjoy this because I did write it as its own stand alone oneshot; however, if you ARE a ktbo stan, there are definitely little nuggets in there for you to munch on!
> 
> Trigger warning: There is some derogatory language used about the LGBTQIA+ community. If you still want to read the fic and skip over it, it starts at "but then he heard voices behind him nearing closer and closer to their proximity," and ends at "Ben felt himself still breathing austerely."
> 
> “And in the places you go  
> You’ll find these people you know  
> All sewing patterns into clothing that you’ve called your own  
> And in these smaller designs  
> There’s something larger you might find  
> That people’s hands have worked together to make up the parts of you.”
> 
> “[Out of Range](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsKocqfHL7I)” –Brand New

There were lights twinkling throughout the house that dotted the nightscape like a million little stars. A chill in the night air that must have rolled off the marine layer because it caused Ben to shiver for a moment. He sighed, rubbing at his face. Somehow, Poe had convinced him that attending this party was a good idea that made sense.

Poe Dameron was his best friend in this entire world and Ben would do anything for him, but he also hated him.

It would be an entirely almost comical observation to make that he and Poe were different. Poe was the outgoing, life of the party extrovert that could charm the pants off just about anyone, and he, Ben Solo, was a much too large and looming introvert that had possibly creeped out everyone at this party due to him just hanging by the wall by himself for most of the night. He tried attaching himself to Poe, but he was just so all over the place talking to a new person about every few seconds, that Ben quickly got overwhelmed by his social butterfly antics.

Ben brought his red solo cup up to his mouth as he stared out at the impressive view of the Malibu skyline. The ocean was visible from here, and Ben watched the waves cascaded into the shore. He should really go back inside. Poe was going to track him down soon and make him take shots with him or something. Despite the fact that every part of his body never seemed to stop growing, Ben’s tolerance level for alcohol actually wasn’t very high. And when he was drinking, he was possibly even more of a dorky mess than he normally was. Just what kind of girls would be into that?

He was in his second semester of his freshman year, and he had managed to sleep with one girl, and he was pretty convinced it was a pity fuck because she never answered any of his calls or texts, while Poe had fucked his way through just about every person in pretty much all of his classes. After Ben had made an ass of himself by knocking over a keg at the past party Poe dragged him to, resulting in everyone retaliating against him, he swore he would never go to another one.

And yet, here he was, drinking alone on a balcony.

Solo.

Ben chuckled hollowly at the irony.

The sound of the sliding glass door was behind him as the booming sounds of the party could be heard for a couple of seconds before they were cut off. And soon enough, Poe was at Ben’s side, leaning over the railing.

“So uh, you actually going to join us in there? Or are you afraid you’re going to knock over another keg?” Poe asked after a few moments.

“Shut the fuck up asshole.” Ben deadpanned.

Poe held up his hands, “Hey, don’t get mad at me over something fucking hilarious that _you_ did.”

Ben rolled his eyes and finished his beer, “Whatever.”

“Aww, come on Benny. You can’t spend all night out here.” Poe insisted.

“That sounds like a challenge.”

Poe exhaled, shaking his head, “It _wasn’t_ ,” he turned to Ben, “alright, I know you don’t want to be here—”

Ben scoffed.

“ _However_ , I think, that if you were to actually loosen up a bit, get that stick out of your ass, you could actually have a good time.”

“Yeah, I am so _sure_ Dameron.”

It was clear Poe was already fed up with Ben’s shenanigans, “You know, I’ve had a few girls ask me about you.”

Ben raised an eyebrow, “R-really?”

That sounded a lot more desperate than Ben would have liked.

Poe presented him with a smug smile, so it certainly did come off that way, “Yeah. They think you’re real cute, storm cloud. You’ve got that whole sexy brooding thing going on.”

Ben huffed, rolling his eyes at Poe’s use of his mother’s old nickname for him, “Yeah, until the second I open my mouth...so we’ll see how long they still think that.”

“Ben,” Poe stated, waiting for him to look into his eyes, “you are _way_ too hard on yourself, okay? You’ve got this adorkable charm that I _know_ girls would just eat up if they had the chance to see it.”

He had only had one girlfriend in high school, and it hadn’t lasted very long. She ended up breaking up with him because he was never ‘emotionally available’ for her. It was extremely difficult for him to open up and trust people, so what? What, was he supposed to be _vulnerable_ with people? No sir. Being alone for most of his childhood hadn’t exactly imbued him with the best social skills.

Sighing, he leaned on the railing as well, “ _Fine_.”

Poe instantly lit up and clapped a hand on his shoulder, “ _That’s_ the spirit Solo! Now, come on. I have a few people I could introduce you to.”

He straightened up, closing his eyes for a few moments in order to psych himself up, and nodded. Poe had already turned to open up the door, “Ready?”

“Let’s just get this over with.”

Ben was about two shots deep and already feeling the effects of the alcohol, staring out into LA’s most elite drunken young adults in this extremely elaborate kitchen. He didn’t really like the fakeness of it all, how entitled everyone seemed. Luckily, that was one of the benefits of the tequila he had been consuming; he had much more of a tolerance for the bullshit.

He was giggling at something Poe had mentioned, and he could tell that drunk _dork_ Ben was going to rear his ugly head soon.

“My boy here is like _mad_ smart; he’s gonna be a lawyer,” Poe explained to this girl they were taking shots with. Ben had already forgotten her name. Hopefully Poe would mention it because she was very pretty. And for some reason, she seemed to be showing interest in him.

She smiled, “ _Really_? That’s cool! What sort of law?”

Ben felt like he was having to concentrate really hard on what this girl was saying, “Oh, um, criminal defense.”

“Wow, very impressive.” She said, looking him up and down, dear god.

“Yeah, uh, I um, really like the idea of giving people second chances and redeeming—”

“Isn’t your mom the mayor?”

That question shut his mouth right up immediately. He sighed, that’s all anyone ever seemed to care about, “Yeah.”

Her eyes lit up, “Wow, what’s that like?”

Ben poured himself another shot, and then one for Poe when he nodded in approval, “It’s a real fucking party.”

He and Poe clinked their glasses together and threw them back, and Ben felt like he was going to choke on the vapors of the alcohol because the most beautiful girl he had ever seen in his dumb life walked, no _graced_ into the kitchen. His mouth was actually _hanging open_ as he stared directly at this girl with chestnut tresses and the most stunning lithe form. It was extremely fortunate that her hazel eyes weren’t looking at him because he still hadn’t closed his stupid mouth and he was pretty sure he was going to just stride right up to her and propose immediately.

“Ben?” Poe asked, jostling him, “You okay buddy?”

“Wha?” Ben responded, feeling like just about the largest, both physically and mentally, idiot this awful world had ever seen.

“Everly just asked you about the celebrities your dad has met.”

The last person that Ben wanted to be thinking about was his father.

“Because your dad is like a private pilot out here right? I bet he’s met like all the important people,” Everly said. It made Ben seethe. No wonder he had forgotten her name; clearly, like her parents forgot to put the B in front of her name like the pretentious assholes they probably were, “My mom helped design Al Pachino’s living room, and they became pretty good friends after that.”

Ben honestly didn’t care if Al Pachino taught her how to do the polka, and he _never_ felt the need to flex to people, like ever.

“Yeah,” Ben cleared his throat, “he’s pretty much met everyone in the business.”

That was irrevocably true. When Ben was little, his dad used to take him on flights, and whichever celebrity he happened to be flying at the moment would usually fawn over him, telling Han that he was the cutest. He even sat in Jamie Lee Curtis’ lap once while she taught him how to sing ‘The Itsy Bitsy Spider’ when he was four. Then one day Han stopped taking him, and he stopped asking if he could come with him. That all felt like so long ago.

He was too distracted to think about all of that though because he was still staring at this girl that reminded him of sunshine that peeks through storm clouds, who has the most wonderful smattering of freckles on her nose. Ben really hoped he was being really subtle about it, but she was chowing down on a bowl of Hot Cheetos that were on the counter while she was on her phone, just stuffing her mouth completely with as much vigor as someone who hadn’t eaten in days. Ben thought it was adorable.

Everly was droning on about something Al Pachino had done on her tenth birthday party, but Ben couldn’t give a shit less what it was. Sunshine girl was licking her fingers now and Ben felt like he was almost about to go into hysterics at the visual of it as her mouth delicately sucked on each digit. He literally felt his dick twitch when she moved to her thumb, tongue on the outside of her mouth as she licked up it. This was _not_ good.

Ben completely tuned out everything else around him and felt like he was a magnet being drawn to her, and he cursed whatever forces of the universe caused her to look up at him at this moment as she popped her thumb out of her mouth and Jesus Fucking Christ he was going to get hard in the next few seconds if she didn’t stop looking at him.

They were locked in an agonizing gaze for more than a few moments before she opened that pretty mouth of hers and spoke, “Can I _help_ you with something?” She asked with a clear tinge of offense in her voice.

And dear _fuck_ she was British. It was official; he was a goner. He might as well lie down on the floor and die because that was the hottest thing that had ever happened to him.

“Huh?” He let out stupidly, and yup, he was about ready to crumple down and hide behind Poe for the rest of his life.

“You just seem very concerned with me eating the Hot Cheetos. I can assure you there’s still plenty more,” she looked him up and down, “you overgrown… _sasquatch_.”

She. Called. Him. _Sasquatch_.

“Oh, um. S-sorry. I am aware of the status of the Cheetos, thank you.”

She glared at him for a few more seconds until her face softened with a tiny smirk that formed there, “Well that _is_ the most vital thing at a party to be aware of.”

Ben smiled back, “It would literally fall apart without people knowing how many Cheetos are left.”

Her giggle was the most wonderful sound Ben had ever had the honor of hearing, and he wanted to make her do it again. But instead, she was apparently more concerned with ruining his life because now she was lifting up the bowl and exiting the kitchen, “I had better let everyone else know.”

Ben should say something, _anything_ to keep her here. He had completely forgotten how to speak, however, as his stupid mouth didn’t form words, and her back was to them now and his life was terrible as her literal perfect ass was nearly out of view.

“Wait! You wanna take a shot with us Cheeto girl?” Poe asked after her, and Ben was tempted to straight up kiss his best friend on the mouth for doing so.

She turned, smiling, revealing an _adorable_ dimple that Ben wanted to get lost in, “How’d you know that was my nickname?”

Poe shrugged, “Just a hunch.”

She sauntered over, and Ben was just about ready to kneel before her and thank her for existing. Poe divvied out all the glasses, the suave bastard had a grin on his face that revealed all you needed to know about him, “So what’s your real name Cheeto girl? Unless that’s _actually_ your name, then I have to pay mad respects to your parents.”

“I’m Ben!” He all but shouted at her, not even letting her respond; he already had a difficult enough time with conversation when he was sober and not in the presence of a goddess. This was the most excruciating experience of his life, but he wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at this party than right in front of her like this.

She giggled again, and it made his heart flutter, “It’s Rey.”

Rey. Her name was _Rey_ , and Ben thought it was the most fitting name in the world because the girl was actual sunshine as far as he was concerned.

“Well it is very nice to meet you Miss Rey, I’m Poe,” he pronounced, then gestured to Ben, “and you’ve already met Benji, and this here is Everly.”

Rey smiled, looking to Everly as the girl Ben had completely forgotten all about gave a small, noncommittal wave to Rey.

They all clinked their glasses together and took their shots, and Rey wiped her mouth off in a much too enticing way after she was done. What Ben would _do_ with that mouth if he were given the opportunity. He would ravish it; he would _worship_ it; he would—

“So who do you know here Rey? You’re clearly not from around here, and I’ve never seen you before…or did you forget that you actually had to be invited to attend a party like this?” Everly inquired with more than a dash of rudeness. And now Ben was about to throw the girl out of this planet for asking something so uncalled for.

“Did your parents forget the B in your name?” Rey inquired with a raised eyebrow.

Ben laughed, completely and totally enamored while Everly scoffed. Rey looked to him and shook her head, “That would be like if Ben’s parents named him En.”

He laughed again, shaking his head, “I don’t know, I think Enjamin has a nice ring to it.”

Tittering, Rey put the shot glass down on the counter, “You sound like a rejected firefighter.”

_You can literally call me whatever you want pretty girl._

It did look like Rey was out of place here because it’s not as if most of the girls here would go around shoveling Hot Cheetos down their gullets with complete abandon, but Ben thought that was one of the best parts about her.

Everly rolled her eyes and picked her phone off the counter, “Whatever, pretty sure Cassandra is expecting me.”

And without another word, Everly was out of the kitchen, and now it was the three of them, and he was hoping that Poe would also decide Cassandra needed him too.

But then Rey apparently was set on murdering where he stood because she smiled and began backing away with the Cheeto bowl again, “Well, it was nice meeting you guys.”

Ben had the chance to breathe once while he processed what was happening, “It was nice meeting you too!”

And then she was gone. Ben threw himself back against the counter, hands on either side of him, clutching at it for support.

“Well that was _painful_ to watch Solo. Now just what in the fuck was that?” Poe asked him incredulously.

Ben felt like he was on the verge of panting, “I—I don’t _know_.”

Poe sighed, running a hand over his face while Ben’s stood up again and attempted to rip his hair out over being such a foot in his mouth idiot.

“And I mean, I pulled her back in for you!” Poe exclaimed.

“I know! And I still went and messed it up.”

Poe raised his arm at him, “Alright, _alright_ just calm down…we can still salvage this.”

“I think I’m in love with her.”

All out laughing, Poe shook his head, “Now that’s just your dick talking.”

Ben looked at him, “No it’s _not_!”

“Fuck, it was a _joke_ Benji, calm your tits,” Poe said, pouring him and Ben yet another shot. Ben didn’t know how many more he could handle, “okay, so this is what we are going to do…we are going to take this shot, and you are going to go out there and figure this out.”

They took their shot and he cringed at how the alcohol burned his throat, “Okay, so what do I do when I go up to her?”

Poe let out a bark of laughter, “Go _up_ to her? What, do you want to look like a desperate weirdo?”

“Of course not!” He exclaimed, already halfway to a panic attack.

“Okay, then you have to play it cool, alright Solo? You’re a fucking _cucumber_ , got it?”

Ben nodded vigorously, “Cucumber, okay. Yeah, I can be a cucumber.”

Poe put both his hands on Ben’s shoulders, “You definitely won’t be, but I’ll be there you reel you in if you start to go off the rails, alright?”

Ben smiled, looking down at the ground, wholly grateful for Poe. Good thing he decided to keep him in his life after they got in that huge fight and declared that they weren’t going to be friends anymore when they were five.

“Alright, now once we’ve done a round in the room, you’ll casually walk by her and say something charming like I know you’ve got in you. You’re a Solo after all, aren’t you?” Poe hyped to Ben, releasing his shoulders.

Ben always wondered why he seemed to be cursed to have not apparently inherited _any_ of Han’s infamous charm.

He inhaled sharply, “I-I’ll try.”

Poe shook his head, “No, Ben. _Do_. There is no try.”

Sometimes Poe was too smart for his own good.

“Alright.”

Ben’s eyes were immediately scanning for her, his vision already missing the sight of her.

She wasn’t hard to spot at all with her still chowing down on those Cheetos on the couch, talking with this other girl. He was feeling extremely crazy when he let out a sigh of relief.

“Solo! Dameron!” A voice said to the right. Ben looked over and saw Jannah Calrissian. He smiled, not even realizing Jannah was at this party.

They walked their way over to her, “Hello Lady Calrissian, what is up?” Poe asked her, grabbing her hand and kissing it.

“Oh, you are always _such_ a charmer, aren’t you Dameron?”

Poe smirked, “Only when they’re as beautiful as you.”

“Oh, stop,” Jannah said, waving him off and turned to hug Ben.

Jannah was standing with a couple of people that Ben didn’t recognize, she introduced them, and Ben responded accordingly, contributing pretty much nothing to the conversation. Ben did another scan of the room, finding Everly and who he assumed was Cassandra talking to an asshole he went to school with, and he quickly diverted his gaze. When his eyes fell to the place he knew he wanted them to be, he found that he was extremely disappointed because Rey was no longer there. His shoulders actually slumped. Christ, what was this girl doing to him?

“Right, totally. Ben and I are in the same psych class. I think he’s already wanting to psychoanalyze me.” Poe said to Jannah.

“I’ve been doing that our whole lives, and I’ll still never understand you.” Ben shrugged.

“Oh, awesome! Who’s your professor?” Jannah asked.

“Erso, she’s pretty cool.”

Jannah nodded, taking a sip from her cup, “Yeah, I’ve heard some pretty good things about her. I’m contemplating changing my major to psychology, but I’m not really sure because I feel like literally everyone and their mother is a psych major.”

Poe laughed, “Isn’t that like the third time you’ve changed it?”

“Pssh, _nooo_. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Committing to that would also include a _lot_ of school Jannah,” Ben pointed out.

Jannah rolled her eyes, “I _know_ , don’t even get me started on that. _Ugh_ , who knew college was going to have so much effort involved.”

Poe nudged Ben in the ribs, “Benny Boy here could tell you! This fucking nerd always five chapters ahead with the reading and has his homework done before the teacher even assigns it, _I swear_.”

A flush hit Ben in the worst way for being called out like that, “Shut up.”

Ben fully knew that he was a fucking nerd, so he didn’t exactly need people just pointing it out to him like that.

Jannah laughed at their antics and looked up to Ben, “So it’s been a while since I’ve seen one of you at one of these things, Solo.”

Ben rubbed the back of his neck and felt extremely awkward, “Uhh, yeah,” he cleared his throat, “I guess it has been—”

“In fact, I think the last one you were at, you made that keg explode,” Jannah said with a smile as she raised her cup to her mouth.

He sighed, would that follow him _forever_ , “It didn’t _explode_.”

“Well it certainly wasn’t working anymore after you knocked it over and it rolled down the backsteps and into the pool.”

“Then perhaps whoever put it there should have thought of putting it in a better location! And like a bunch of rich kids can’t go get another one.” Ben said crossing his arms, already feeling too intoxicated for this conversation.

Jannah laughed, “Isn’t that the party where Poe and I kicked your and Beau’s ass at pong?”

Poe’s eyes widened, “Oh _yeah_! That’s right! And Ben was going around being all like ‘no one can beat _me_!’ and then we showed _his_ sorry behind!”

Normally, Ben was quite proud of his pong skills, “I was having an off night. I could still beat you guys no question.”

Jannah narrowed her gaze at him, “Is that a challenge?”

Ben shut his mouth and wondered if he would ever back down from one, “Is Beau even here?”

She shrugged, “I haven’t seen him.”

Poe rubbed his hands together, “Then that means Benny’s gonna need a partner! But, _whomst_?”

To say that Ben was genuinely afraid of the look in Poe’s eyes would be an understatement as he scanned over the room, “Hmm, no—no— _no_ — _oh_! Hey, Cheeto girl!”

Ben pretty sure he forgot how to breathe as he temporarily wheezed when Rey showed up, looking like she was passing by next to them, seemingly done with her extremely unhealthy snacking, and she giggled, clasping at a beverage of her own, “Is that just going to be my name now?”

“Hey, you can call me whatever you want—I normally answer to handsome _devil_ — _ow_!” He exclaimed after both Ben and Jannah punched him on either shoulder, “Jeez!”

Ben already decided that he would never tire of her giggle.

“ _Anyway_ ,” Poe continued, rubbing at his shoulders, “it seems like Benji here could use a partner for beer pong, you in?”

Ben’s heart was beating so fast that he thought he might go into cardiac arrest, which was not ideal in this situation, and it was only made worse when Rey literally looked him up and down and smiled. Christ, was she always this unfairly arousing?

“Oh, I am the _best_ at pong.”

There was a huge grin on Ben’s face as his gaze was met with the floor, not even being able to bring himself to look upon her radiance.

“Then I think that you and Ben are going to get along just great with that kind of arrogance.”

After Rey and Jannah had been introduced, they had quickly set up and started off their competition, Poe gassing Ben up a little too much with Ben’s own acclaimed skills, ever the wingman for Ben—which he _did_ appreciate. Rey wasn’t lying; she _was_ really good at this, but it’s not as if Poe and Jannah were… _terrible_ either. Rey had sunk three in a row before he got two cups. She only made fun of him mercilessly for it, but he honestly didn’t care. At this point, he would let her do just about anything to him. Then Poe was on a roll, and Ben really started to feel like he shouldn’t be drinking any more alcohol as he raised the beer to his lips and cringed. Rey seemed to notice, much to his chagrin.

“You doing alright there sasquatch?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, I am perfectly _fine_ ,” he said, hand over his chest, “just _fine_.”

The slow rate at which she blinked up at him made him start to believe that his little adorable companion was perhaps also a bit intoxicated. Ben struggled to finish the beer in order to cover up his dumb grin at her. Being in this close of a proximity to her for this long was making his head spin, and he didn’t feel like that was because of the alcohol either.

“Well as long as you are fine, then I am fine— _just_ fine.”

Ben smirked, “Fine just fine.”

Rey shoved at his shoulder and tittered, which caused his stomach to break out in butterflies.

“Hey, you two done giving each other googly eyes, or can we keep going with this game?” Poe asked from across the table.

Immediately embarrassed, Ben took a tiny step away from her as if that would cover up the fact that he was practically leering over her.

“I believe it is your turn, my fine lady,” Poe said to Jannah, giving her a slight bow as he presented her with the ping pong ball.

She laughed, shaking her head before she grabbed the ball from Poe. She concentrated with one eye closed, and then threw the ball, just barely missing the cup she was aiming for and grunted.

Rey clapped her hands together and smiled deviously. _God_ , she was so fucking cute.

Ben _almost_ horrendously found himself saying that out loud, but she was then thankfully interrupting his thoughts by asking him if it was his turn.

“Oh—uh, yeah.” He conjectured dumbly and picked up one of the spare balls out of the designated cup.

The first night he had lost to Jannah and Poe, Poe had just been trying to make him feel better from the whole keg incident, and Ben really was thrown off his normal game because of his frazzled nerves. Tonight, they were still just as frazzled with just a steady hint of arousal.

Ben just tried to focus on the cup in the middle of the rest of the cups that hadn’t been successfully sunken in yet and threw it. He felt temporary rage instill in him as it bounced off the rim.

“So, where are these apparent skills I’ve been hearing so much about?” Rey asked, and he narrowed his gaze at her.

“Just—concentrate on _your_ turn there you little Cheeto gremlin.”

Rey’s eyes widened, and for a dismaying millisecond, Ben thought she was going to get angry, but instead, she laughed, “It’s evolving already. My love for Cheetos will soon be known throughout the land.”

Ben crossed his arms with a smirk, “I was already going to put an ad out in the paper about it.”

He loved that he was the one to make her giggle again, “See here and I thought you should have used a _much_ more relevant choice of mass communication like smoke signals or something.”

Before he could respond, a cup on their side of the table had a ball sink into it without them even realizing it. They both looked up and saw Poe celebrating. Ben glared at him, “Hey!”

Poe held up his hands, “Don’t ‘hey’ me there, Solo! If you’re not going to pay attention, then don’t blame me for just playing the game!”

Rey grunted, clearly also frustrated with either Poe or herself, and Ben was sincerely hoping it was the former while she grabbed the ball out of the cup and drank it up aggressively as her nose scrunched up in the most adorable way possible, “Alright, so we’re not playing around here, are we _handsome_?”

That stupid shit eating grin was all over his face, “Clearly not.”

Rey threw her next shot without hesitation and made it into one of the few cups that were left.

Jannah nodded, seeming to be impressed as she picked the ball back up now, “So, do you prefer Cheeto girl or Rey?”

Rey smiled, seemingly pleased now in her victory, “Whatever you want, I don’t really care.”

“Easy going, I like that,” Jannah stated, smiling while she crossed her arms, “so how long have you known these two dumb dumbs?”

Ben actually felt himself giggling and held a hand up to his mouth while Rey shook her head, “I have only had the honor of meeting them this evening.”

Jannah blinked, “Oh, it seemed like it was much longer.”

Ben didn’t really know what to think of that before she was shooting into the next cup as it circled around the rim of it, and before it could sink in, Rey scooped it out quickly with her finger, yelling, “No!”

“Damn, Cheeto girl don’t play around either,” Jannah claimed somewhere in Ben’s periphery, but he wasn’t paying much attention as Rey squealed and clapped her hands together again.

“Yay! Did you see that Ben?”

He nodded at her, all smiles himself and loving the sound of his name coming from her lips, “Yeah, I saw it. Good job Rey.”

She looked up at him through her eyelashes and gave him the widest grin, and then she was handing him the ball, “Get ‘em sasquatch.”

This time, Ben didn’t seem to have nearly as much of a problem sinking a cup.

When there was only one cup left on each side, tensions were _extremely_ high, and all parties involved were becoming increasingly more irritated, but especially Rey. She seemed very stressed as she held the ball in her hand, her nose scrunched up again, and Ben was so tempted to put his hands on her shoulders, but he held back because he wasn’t sure how she would react. When she didn’t make the cup, his heart sunk, and it seemed to be mostly because she was so upset about it.

He hoped that for the sake of his sanity and hers, that Jannah would miss the cup as well. Ben was praying that his death glare would be enough of a defense.

And maybe it had been because she attempted and missed, cursing loudly and pouting.

Ben knew that he had to get this, but he was so nervous and drunk, that he didn’t know if he could. With an almost shaking hand, Ben picked up the ball off the table and looked to Rey. Surprisingly, she smiled and touched his arm, _again_ , “You’ve got this Ben.”

He exhaled out of pure relief and had never felt more encouraged during a game of stupid beer pong, but he still felt like he was nearly hallucinating as his arm glided through the air and released his throw.

The ball bounced on the rim, but still sunk in, and screams of different natures were presented on either side of the table. Ben turned beet red for some reason and turned to look at Rey again, but she was jumping into his arms with another squeal.

“Oh my _god_ we _won_!”

He held her back and smiled, “Yes, we did.”

Ben wasn’t sure how appropriate it was to hold this woman in his arms, but he was content with doing it for the rest of his life. She hoorayed a couple more times in celebration before there was that inevitable let go as he placed her back down on the ground, and her face was looking up at him with extremely warm eyes.

This was one of those moments where Ben did wish he had even just an _ounce_ of that Solo suaveness because instead of doing or saying anything smooth, he let out a nervous bark of laughter and rubbed the back of his neck in shame.

Rey didn’t even seem to mind though because she didn’t even bat an eye as she punched him lightly in the shoulder, “Good job there sasquatch.”

Ben felt magical in her presence, and he was hoping that her nonchalance at his nervous proclivities didn’t have to do with her not even seeing him as a viable option.

Then Poe was with them, placing an arm around both of them, which seemed horribly awkward considering the height difference, “Touché. This means war now Solo.”

As long as Rey was there, he didn’t care how many rematches were declared.

Ben knew he wasn’t the best at making conversation, stringing together words in a sentence was definitely something he could improve on, especially while talking to strangers and _especially_ while drunk.

But with Rey, it felt like the most natural thing in the world for her to just grab his arm after their victory and drag him into the kitchen so she could continue to snack on various items as they struck up topic after topic. Ben didn’t feel like he was struggling to come up with something to say even once.

He was observing Rey and smiled as she chowed down, and she ended up giving him an unsure smile, “What? You don’t eat? Even while you’re drunk?”

Ben observed the selections that were offered and felt a little flush, “I—don’t really eat a lot of junk food.”

Rey snorted, “Ohhhh.”

He scratched at his forehead and also grinned uncertainly, “What?”

Shrugging her shoulders as she scarved down more chips and dip, “You come from one of _those_ families that only feed their children kale and grass fed Kobe beef.”

Ben chuckled quietly and looked down at the ground, “I guess.”

“What’s that like?”

He was fidgeting with the water bottle he was holding, “Lonely.”

“Huh?”

Why the hell did he just spit _that_ out?

“I mean, uh my parents—uh,” he sighed, “my parents aren’t really around most of the time to feed me anyway. Eating healthy is just kind of a force of habit since that’s what’s stalked up in the house.”

He remembered the time he had begged his mother to make him a taco after he had seen all of those Taco Bell commercials after she had been away on a trip for so long.

Rey swallowed the mouth full of potato chips she had been chewing, “I see.”

Great, now he seemed like some solitary weirdo—

“I’m alone a lot too.”

Ben looked back up at her, “Really?”

She nodded, not seeming perturbed at all by his statement, “Yeah. Have been for pretty much my whole life. The only friend I even have is one I just met this year.”

And that was the first time in the evening where Ben felt like someone could actually understand him. His tattered heart shook.

Their topics seemed to jump to anything and everything as did their location.

They were at the elaborate dining room table discussing the implications of the essential plotlines that were left out of the Harry Potter movies as Ben gestured wildly with his hands while he still held his cup, “And I _mean_ , how easy would it have been in _Order of the Phoenix_ like real, real quick to say that Sirius was the one who gave Harry that mirror?” Ben posed, spilling his beer a little bit on himself and he wiped at it absentmindedly, “And, _that’s_ what made the ending of the book so tragic anyway.”

Rey’s eyes lit up and she smiled, shoving at his shoulder—Ben was starting to notice it seemed to be a sign of affection coming from her, so he took it as a compliment every time she did, “I _knowww_ , because after that…when Harry just bussts out this mirror out of nowhere when they’re in the basement and everyone who didn’t read the books were probably like,” she leaned back and shrugged her shoulders in the most precious way he had ever seen with knitted eyebrows, “the fuck’s going on over here?”

They laughed together and Ben felt giddy, actually giddy like a schoolgirl, “And don’t even get me _started_ on how they just had to have Harry hear the Horcruxes,” he stated, holding up his hands.

“Yes! No, I mean no, I thought that was ridiculous but _yes_!” She responded with just as much gusto.

They talked about if they could be any type of cheese over a cheese platter sitting in front of a coffee table, and Ben judged her choices _harshly_.

She seemed completely unapologetic as she shoved another cube of cheese in her mouth. This girl never seemed to stop eating and Ben couldn’t stop watching her. He was beginning to think that he would just _love_ to cook for her.

“What? So I like mozzarella? Whaat’s the harm in that,” she said, poking at his chest, “ _Solo_ …wait, it _is_ Solo isn’t it? I thought I remembered Poe calling you that.”

He smiled, almost wanting to grasp at her finger and keep her there next to his heart, “Yeah, it’s Solo…It’s a very fitting last name for me like I said, _trust_ me.”

Rey shook her head with another set of knitted eyebrows, “We’ll you’re not so _lo_ now, are you?”

Ben felt like everything she did around him was infectious, including her boisterous personality shining on his storm clouds and he grinned at the ground, “No, I guess I’m not.”

Grinning back for a moment, she took another cube of cheese off the platter and held it up, “Bet I can toss this in your mouth.”

Ben thought perhaps if he were at all sober, he would question this, and would probably end up relenting to it anyway, but right now he skipped that step and just shrugged and opened up his mouth.

The first attempt just smacked him on the nose, then the cheek, and then a few more that just completely flew past him and he smiled slowly, “I don’t think you’re very good at this.”

“I am _trying_ to concentrate.”

“I mean I certainly thought you’d be better at it considering your pong skills.”

Rey began to hold her side from giggling so much, “ _Hush_ Solo, you’ll make me miss!”

“Oh, so like all your other attempts?”

She threw it and it hit him right in his eyeball, and she started to laugh again, “Oh my god, I’m sorry Ben. Are you okay?”

He rubbed at it, not really caring, but glommed on the drama, “Oh, I think I might go _blind_ Rey! From the _cheese_!”

She slapped his knee, “Shut up, no you _won’t_.”

Ben was completely determined now to remain on his hill, “What will the doctors say when they have to get the cheese particl—particl-ilies out of my cornea?”

“Aww, now you’re making me feel bad!” She claimed, and then his wrist felt like it was burning as she grabbed it away from his eye and got on her knees to lean into him. Ben watched as her wide hazel eyes inspected his with a scowl before they softened before him. Now he felt his own scanning all over hers and her face as it seemed like she was doing the same to him. He wanted more, more than _anything_ to lean in and kiss her; kiss her _now_ and slant his lips over hers deliciously—

But then she sat back down abruptly, and suddenly the ridiculousness of the moment hit him as he realized that he was sitting in a pile of cheese cubes that were crowding his lap as this girl he had only met a few hours ago was checking to see if she could really see cheese remnants in his eyeball.

Rey might have been coming to a similar conclusion because her smile was steady and transmittable, “I think you’re just being a drama queen.”

“My optometrist will bill you.” He joked, and then they were laughing together in a beautiful way in which Ben never wanted it to end.

Then it did when Rey abruptly shoved a cube in his mouth, and he balked at her, “Hey!”

She shrugged, “I told you I could get it in your mouth.”

He masticated the cheese that had clearly been unrefrigerated for several hours, “You said _toss_.”

“Close enough.” She defended.

It was difficult not to think about how he wouldn’t mind Rey putting _any_ part of her in his mouth, and he swallowed, trying to ignore that thought immediately, “Oh, and it was _tepid_.”

Giggling, Rey shook her head, “Who says _tepid_?”

“I _do_ ,” he emphasized, “and it _was_.”

She waved a hand at him, “Oh, stop being a gigantic baby. It’s just a little tepid.”

“Why would you willingly want to eat like half the platter if it was _tepid_?”

Rey sighed, looking over at it, “Why would you want to let perfectly good food go to waste?”

The serious manner in which she responded to his question made him speculate if there was a much deeper reason why she would be willing to shovel down a bunch of room temperature cheese and never seemed to have satiated her appetite. Realizing that in any way he spun it, he didn’t like the answer. He felt a little guilty and looked down. They were still almost holding hands from when she had grabbed his wrist earlier, and they had been this whole time. Ben’s intoxicated brain chided himself for noticing earlier as his hand moved to gently open under hers, and Rey’s response was to splay her much smaller palm on top of his. His thumb began to caress the back of her hand as he noticed two gold and silver woven bracelets that she was wearing.

He sighed, “No, you’re right.”

His eyes dared to peek up at her as hers remained on their almost joint hands as she gave a small grin. And out of all the smiles he had seen on Rey this evening, he thought this tiny, reserved one full of wonderment was his favorite.

She finally looked up at him, “It’s just too bad there’s just no mozzarella on there.”

Ben rolled his eyes, “We really need to improve your palate here…it’s just so _pedestrian_.”

“Ohh, the rich boy says it’s pedestrian!” Rey exclaimed, holding her free hand over her chest.

He laughed along and thought she was honestly claiming a pretty accurate statement. Ben smiled, feeling so warm inside as he ventured to intertwine their fingers now, “Don’t worry, I’ll show you some nice smoked gouda or gruyere, alright?”

Rey’s eyes seemed a little distant for a moment before she shook her head and smiled, “But will they be _tepid_?”

He faked throwing up, and she laughed.

Then she was pulling out her phone suddenly with that signature nose scrunch, “Here, take a picture with me next to all of this tepid cheese.”

Ben didn’t really hesitate as she snapped what he was guessing several photos. He was sure he looked dumb in all of them.

Now they had somehow made it on one of the couches after another trip to the kitchen for more snacks and alcohol. As the party still boomed around them, their knees touched in the middle of their crossed legs. He was laughing again at one of her ridiculous statements about her views on muffins. Apparently she only at the tops of them, and he had to just question _why_. She claimed it just wasn’t the same as the bottom.

Their laughter died down, and Ben found himself fiddling with her bracelets on top of their joint knees. He looked down at them, studying them, and pondered if she had made them herself.

“I almost didn’t come here tonight, you know,” Rey vocalized, and she started to bite at a hangnail on her other hand, “I _really_ didn’t want to.”

Ben thought about how devastated he would have been if she hadn’t, but then, he wouldn’t have even been aware of what he was missing out on, not knowing Rey was a person that existed on this Earth. Would their paths have ever crossed again?

“Yeah? Why not?”

She shrugged, “Spending the evening with a bunch of rich kids in Malibu where I don’t know anyone but my old foster sister that _made_ me come with her didn’t seem like the best way to spend an evening. I was _so_ close to making up an excuse last minute and flaking.”

Ben inhaled, taking in the _many_ implications of that statement, “Oh…well, where is she now?”

Rey looked around her, “I’m not sure, which sucks because she’s my ride home. She only wanted to come because her ex was going to be here. Pretty sure they probably got back together at some point and are probably fucking somewhere.”

Tilting his head, his eyes shot back to his fingers still on her wrist, “Their loss then.”

When his gaze met hers, she had another one of those small grins that showed off her dimple. He sighed. He wanted to tell her that she was so entirely endearing and lovely, but then there was a body all of a sudden in their periphery. Ben looked up and rolled his eyes, “What do you want Poe?”

Poe was holding more shot glasses as he got down on his haunches in front of them, “Hey, is that any way to greet your best friend that brought refreshments?”

Rey laughed and took one of them from him, “If I didn’t know any better, I would think you were trying to get me drunk, sir.”

Poe looked to her, “Oh no honey, we’re all clearly drunk…I am just trying to keep everyone’s buzz alive!”

Then he looked to Ben and winked; Ben sighed and took one of the other glasses, “Whatever Dameron.”

The three of them took their shots and Ben felt himself cringe, quickly handing Poe the glass back.

“I also wanted to check up on you two! You’ve been stealing my Benny away from me for practically the whole evening missy.” Poe stated, leaning on Ben’s leg.

“My sincerest apologies.” Rey giggled.

“Just return him all in one piece, alright? Don’t want the mayor’s ass on me again! Like that one time in high school where I thought she was actually going to skin me when Ben came home high as a fucking kite,” Poe laughed and so did Ben, recalling the memory. He stood up and looked to Ben, “Hey, I’m gonna go put the moves on Trey, alright? Wish me luck!”

Ben scoffed, “Finally.”

Poe blew a kiss to Ben and walked off.

When he looked to Rey again, she was staring at him like he had grown a second head, “What?”

“Y-your _mom_ is Leia Organa?” Rey asked him seriously.

He nodded, “Yeah, sorry I kind of just thought everyone knew that here.”

Rey lifted up one of her hands and made a circling gesture with it, “Need I remind you that you and I run in _extremely_ different circles Ben Solo.”

It wasn’t something that she had outright stated, but it had seemed to be heavily implied throughout the evening, “Oh, right. Sorry.”

She smiled, “It’s okay,” and then her eyes casted downwards, “wow, though. Leia Organa is your mother.”

Ben sighed, yup. That was the only thing that mattered about Ben to anyone; the prominent family he came from. He felt the shadow cast over him once more. And he really thought Rey would be different—

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to gush, but I just—” she sighed, “I—owe her so much. She helped put forth and passed a law in LA county that allowed me to get more food stamps, and that was what enabled me to be able to afford college before my financial aid got sorted out.”

Out of all the things Ben had expected her to say about his mother, _that_ was definitely not it, “Oh, well that’s—that’s honestly amazing Rey. That makes me really happy she did that for you.”

And that was the real truth. If she wasn’t present for so much of Ben’s own life, at least she was making a genuine difference in someone like Rey’s. She was…amazing and clearly so determined. A person who had apparently overcome so much, and still was trying so hard to achieve her goals. Ben wanted to know _more_.

Rey smiled and shook her head, “Sorry, that was probably too much information.”

His eyes widened at her, “No! No, I—I like hearing more about you,” Ben admitted, intertwining their fingers once more, which caused her to smile and his heartbeat to pick up, and he hoped to god he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries when he prepared to ask his next question, “so, what do you want to do, you know—with college?”

Well that was probably about the _worst_ way to ask that question.

She tittered all the same though, and smiled widely, “I am just at LA Valley right now because it’s cheaper while I get through my GEDs, but I really want to become a mechanical engineer.”

Beaming, Ben felt such an admiration for her, “Yeah? That’s really cool. What made you want to do that?”

Rey breathed in and out and slumped down more as she spoke, “I just love being able to build something from nothing, putting all the parts together, and creating something from it. Especially with parts that people want to throw away or think are no longer useful.”

Ben leaned on his hand with his elbow against his leg as she explained her passion, and he knew that he was grinning dumbly at her again. Then she shook her head, “But enough about me, what about you? What do you want to be when you grow up?”

He was surprised at her question, but it was a welcome one nonetheless, “Oh, uh, I want to be a lawyer.”

Her smile was also welcome in his mind, “Wow, that’s awesome! What kind of law?”

Ben smirked down to his lap, remembering being asked this same question much earlier in the evening from a much less interested party, “Criminal defense.”

Eyes stayed focused on him as she leaned on her hand now, wordlessly urging him to continue, “I just like the idea of giving people second chances,” he said, thinking of his own life where he had lashed out and made trouble so many times just for attention from his family, so they would take any, _any_ notice to him at all, “I don’t know, I just…I also—don’t like bullies and…I guess it might sound cheesy, but I like the idea of being able to be a part of a redemption story…even if it’s not mine.”

He sighed and chuckled slightly, “I don’t know if that makes any sense.”

Rey gave him the warmest smile that made his heart flutter again, “That doesn’t sound cheesy at all, and it makes total sense.”

Ben looked into her eyes, _really_ looked into them, and found them to be such a vast pool of glowing honey and a bit of green. And now she was still smiling at him with her dimple, delectable giggle, and scrunched nose following it.

“You’re so adorable.” Ben shot out of his mouth before he could stop it, and then his eyes widened in shock and he sat up more, about to apologize profusely for opening his big, stupid mouth that spouted out his dumb thoughts willy nilly because the alcohol was causing him to—

But then Rey’s small laughter stopped the train wreck he was having in his brain as her hand disentangled from his and slid up his leg. He literally gulped as he stared back at her again.

“You’re pretty adorable yourself.” She whispered.

His brain short circuited as he felt all his hormones and the alcohol culminating in his system, and he watched her lips part slightly. Then he felt himself leaning into her and had to admit to himself that he wasn’t going crazy when she started to do the same.

She was so close now and this was happening this was happening _this was happening_ , and he just felt so happy and elated and nothing else mattered than this moment as her mouth was only a breath away because it was happening, oh yes it—

“ _Oh_ yeah, _this_ is happening!” He exclaimed, and then immediately thought that was probably the worst sentence that anyone had ever uttered ever, especially not before kissing the most gorgeous woman in the world and what the fuck was _wrong_ with him?

She backed away and sat up, “I’m sorry, _what_?”

Ben buried his face in his hands and could not _believe_ that he had messed this up so royally before it even started, “Oh my _gooood_. I am so sorry. Please don’t—I am so sorry I have wasted your time; I’ll just…go die now.”

He couldn’t even look at her as he attempted to get up from the couch, but then her hand on his wrist firmly stopped him as he abruptly was planted back on the couch, “No, wait. We’re still going to make out…I just wanted to be positive I heard you correctly so I can make fun of you about it later.”

Ben felt himself turn red for probably about the hundredth time that evening as he sucked in a breath. They stared at each other for a few moments, and he felt like his drunken senses were finally catching up with his brain.

He pounced on her, completely and totally, as she was pushed all the way back on the couch by him, and his lips finally met hers. Their mouths roamed over each other desperately, and her hands were in his hair, scratching vigorously at his scalp, which he loved so much, he let out a moan against her. She giggled and did it again, and he felt like his brain was going to explode. This was much more difficult to finesse while hammered, but he gave his best efforts to not just shove his tongue down her throat and softly used it to explore the seam of her lips, to which she responded with an appreciative grazing of her own, and then it launched into his mouth with a very arousing vehemence.

Then she was biting his bottom lip, and he was only vaguely aware of the party going on around them still, knowing that he moaned again, not giving a fuck less that he was kissing this beautiful girl in full view of anyone who would look. They were drunk college kids at a party after all, weren’t they? People would probably pay them absolutely no mind.

Ben started to kiss her neck as he held her face, “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve _ever_ seen,” he professed, apparently completely unable to control anything that was coming out of his mouth.

“R-really?” She exhaled as his tongue licked at her throat, and then he pulled away to look back in her disbelieving eyes.

“Um _yeah_ ,” he reassured her, kissing at her lips once more, “so beautiful—so funny—so adorable—so _amazing_ —”

Then he was devouring her mouth, hoping that all the emotions he was feeling could be translated into the kiss. Ben could kiss this girl forever, he was certain. Her mouth tasted like tequila and cheese, and Ben didn’t think there was anything better because it was _her_ ; it was Rey.

Her leg hiked up his body and caressed one of his calves with her foot as her hips ground up into his, definitely rubbing up against his erection.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he whispered after his mouth broke their kiss, “I want you so bad.”

One of her hands slid up his shirtsleeve as she stared up at him with those gorgeous eyes, “I want you too.”

It felt like this was escalating quickly as he continued to ravage her mouth, her neck, her collarbones, any part of her skin he could manage to reach, and he felt his eyes roll into the back of his head when she tugged on one of his ears, the stupidly large thing.

He was kissing her and kissing her and kissing her, and now he didn’t even know for how long, but he was, and everything felt okay for once in his stupid life if he got to kiss Rey.

Their mouths broke apart, and then hers was on his neck as he breathed in, having a hard time fathoming that this was even happening; that he was given the _privilege_ to be in her presence.

His pelvis began to instinctually move against her, and even through all of this clothing, she gasped, and he wanted to continue to keep eliciting noises from her again as his fingers raised to her hair, which was beautiful and soft. He knew he wanted to braid it.

Ben pulled her mouth back into another kiss, but then he heard voices behind him nearing closer and closer to their proximity.

“Did you see that Dameron was here? And he had himself practically all over that Trey guy. It was _disgusting_.”

Ben’s actions immediately stopped as his heart sunk all the way down to the floor. Another voice spoke up.

“Wait, as in _Poe_ Dameron? Didn’t he go out with that really hot girl Gina for a while?”

The first voice laughed, “Yeah, I don’t think he can decide whether or not he wants to be a queer or not.”

Ben felt himself seethe and his hands balled into fists. Rey’s hands were on his face, and he looked down at her, “Ben,” she whispered.

“ _Ugh_ , he’ll probably be one of those annoying people that can’t make up their _fucking_ mind.”

The first voice laughed, “Yeah, he’ll probably just end up banging that asshole Solo who’s always hanging around him like a pathetic lost dog. That fucking ear boy should avoid Dameron before he gets the gay all over him.”

It felt like tunnel vision. It felt like he wasn’t even in control of his body anymore. It felt like a ton of bricks had fallen on his head by the time he had lifted himself off of Rey and pummeled towards those _assholes_ he recognized from school, a few of them standing there, but he knew which one was the leader, this guy Holden. He spotted Ben immediately and laughed, “Oh, look, speak of the big buffoon himself—”

Ben punched him in the face, sending him backward before he could finish his sentence.

He held his nose, “What the _fuck_? You really want to get fucking started with a fight you weren’t even a part of Solo?”

“You _made_ me a part of it as soon as you put Poe’s name in your dirty fucking mouth.”

He glared at Ben, “Oh, you and your boyfriend are going to _get_ it now.”

Ben felt his fist form again, but then there was a hand on his arm, and he looked down at Rey, and he felt like she should not be a part of this at all.

“Ben,” she whispered again. He let out the breath he was holding.

“Who the fuck is this now?” Holden asked, still holding his nose, “She asking for it too?”

Ben felt himself practically snarl and put a protective arm over her, “Leave her out of this.”

Before Holden could speak up with a retort, his friend held him back, “Dude, this is not a fight you want to get involved with.”

Holden looked up to Ben, who definitely towered over him in height and had at least fifty pounds on him, but Ben knew his reputation proceeded him too.

Narrowed eyes were now on Ben, and Holden blustered, “Whatever,” he grunted, “stay the fuck away from me you fucking freak.”

And with that, Holden and his band of friends turned and walked away.

Ben felt himself still breathing austerely and his chest felt so heavy. He looked at Rey and felt absolutely horrified at his behavior. She was probably terrified of him now.

He faced the rest of the party, who all appeared like they were trying to avert most of their gazes away from him as it began to resume again. Then Poe began to near him, and Ben didn’t even want to look at him.

“Ben,” Poe called after him, “was that really about what I think it was?”

Ben’s gaze fell to the floor, saying nothing. Ever since Poe had come out to Ben as someone who thought he really didn’t care about the gender of a person, Poe had grown a reputation, too. Most were accepting of his open sexuality, but some like Holden and his fucking bigoted friends had started to give Poe a very debilitating time over it before they graduated high school.

Ben knew it was very difficult for Poe to talk about.

Poe was in front of him now, “Ben,” he still wouldn’t look at him, so Poe’s hands were at his face, searching his eyes. Ben shook his head, even holding back tears at his point.

“I’m sorry.”

Poe’s expression changed from concern to poignant as he wrapped his arms around Ben to embrace him, “Thank you,” he whispered into his shoulder, and Ben hugged him back.

This wasn’t something they did very often at all, a very outward sign of affection like this. But factoring the intensity of the situation on top of the alcohol, Ben thought it was a fitting resolution.

Then Poe’s arms loosened and he was looking up at him for a few more moments, and Ben nodded at him as Poe backed away from him. Poe’s eyes looked glassy, he took in a shaky breath, and then he was walking away from him, probably not wanting to get emotional in front of an entire fucking party. Ben couldn’t really blame him.

Ben didn’t know how to feel as it seemed like everyone else around seemed to just resume what they were doing like nothing had even happened. That is, everyone except Rey. Ben was so afraid that he had scared her; he didn’t think he could bear to live with himself if he had.

She wasn’t looking at him, but she was raising up the very hand he had just used to punch Holden. Her eyes surveyed over every square inch of the monstrous thing. He always hated how every part of him just seemed too big and awkward for this world.

Then Rey did something truly surprising as she held onto it and pulled him towards the front door as she grabbed her purse that was on the floor. He momentarily let go of her so he could go and grab his sweatshirt off one of the backs of the chairs, and then they were out into the cool night air, which was laden with salt and unsaid words.

Ben wasn’t sure where they were walking to, but all he knew is that he was happy to be out of that house, away from all of those prying eyes that were probably judging him. He had lost his temper again in a very real way, and that was a side of himself that he would have _never_ wanted Rey to see. Especially not on the first night that they had met. For Poe, he would have done it again in a second, but he wasn’t sure how Rey felt about all of it. Had he completely freaked her out? She had still taken his hand and led him out of there, so hopefully she didn’t think he was a total monster.

He looked down at their joint hands and still felt a flutter in his chest, despite himself. They didn’t say anything for a long time as they walked in a seemingly aimless fashion. This neighborhood of high class mansions was still surrounding them until they had reached the end of it, and Rey turned them down the hill and towards the direction of the beach.

There were so many things that he wanted to say. So many explanations that he wanted to give. But all of the words fell short as he just continued to follow Rey to an unspoken place. How was he ever supposed to be able to tell her any of this? This was about three hundred steps to fast for him.

They had made it all the way down to the PCH by the time Rey even looked at him. They were waiting at a stoplight, and the pink glow of the neon sign for the liquor store was shining on her face. She was so entirely breathtaking. It made him almost forget about all of his deleterious thoughts swirling around in his head as he raised his hand to touch his face. Then, to his ever welcomed surprise, she smiled at him.

He smiled back.

His chest felt just the smallest bit lighter as the pedestrian sign lit up, and she dragged him across the street and onto Zuma beach.

Ben hadn’t ever seen the beach so completely devoid of people as they plopped themselves next to one of the lifeguard towers, but then again, he had no idea what god awful hour it was, and he almost didn’t _want_ to know. For a while, they still said nothing as they watched the waves roll back and forth, ebbing and flowing like his current emotions as they fluctuated from feeling so inadequate to so entirely fortunate that he was sitting here with Rey.

Ben looked down and shakily reached for her hand that was resting in the sand. She accepted it easily, and he felt like he had already memorized the way her fingers perfectly fit around his. He breathed in, still feeling so unsure of himself, but he felt like she had to know.

“I’m so sorry you had to see that Rey.”

Rey’s gaze remained on the ocean as she brought their hands into her lap, “Why are you sorry?”

He swallowed, “Because I—I lost my temper. I felt like I couldn’t even control myself. I just got so _angry_ —”

“You got angry over an asshole saying horrendous and unacceptable things about your best friend.”

Ben looked down at the sand, “Yeah.”

He could have handled it better. He could have for once in his life tried to not let his rage overtake him. He could have—

“That’s not really something you need to apologize for.” She stated evenly, and then she looked at him, meeting his eyes.

He inhaled sharply. This was _so_ difficult for him to talk about, especially considering everything that he had put his family through in the last few years.

“Yeah, but I just—I wouldn’t ever want you to see me—”

“It’s fine Ben.” Rey interrupted, and she squeezed his hand and offered him another luminous small smile.

Honestly, he was not expecting this. For her to be so nonchalant about his burning transgressions, “Oh…okay.”

“I probably would have done the same if I had someone in my life that I cared about that much.” She admitted, and although Ben said nothing back, he again felt like he was so understood by a person that he barely knew. It was like she was constantly tugging on the fragile strings that made up the frayed mess that was his heart, and this particular one had always been weaker than the rest.

Rey nodded and looked back to the waves and sighed. Ben watched her close her eyes and breathe in the cool air. He could sit here for probably what was an embarrassing amount of time just like this.

“You know, it’s kind of funny…most people, they dream about going to bigger and better places, saying they are going to move out of the town they grew up in. But, what happens when that town is the place where everyone wants to run away to?”

Ben had never really thought of this much before, but it was true. He was born and raised here and didn’t really know anything else than the city that his mother literally ran.

“I—I don’t really know.”

All Ben wanted to do was ask every single thing about her. If she was from here, why did she speak with an English accent? Had she always been in the system? Was that why she was here and not back in the UK? Ben found that he wanted to know it all.

“Personally, I don’t really care where I live, just as long as that place has a lot of sunlight,” Rey stated again, finally opening her eyes once more.

Ben thought that was entirely fitting for her and he smiled, wanting to hear her dreams, “Tell me about it.”

Rey grinned and scrunched up her nose again, and he loved to see her do that so much as she gestured around wildly, “It would be lined with windows from one end to the other, so I could fill them up completely with all the plants I could ever want, and all of the trinkets I that I have picked up along the way that I would finally get to keep.”

There was an entirely too stupid of a smirk forming on his face as he listened to her, “That sounds lovely.”

She sighed, “And I would want a cat to keep me company. I’ve always wanted a cat.”

Ben knew entirely all too well how it felt to have a pet as your only companion, “I would want a dog, a big black lab, just like the one I had when I was a kid.”

Her eyes shot to him and she smiled, “Yeah?”

Ben nodded, “My dog, Rhady, was…sometimes I felt like he was all I had when I was alone in that big empty house.”

Her giggle interrupted his thoughts, “Rhady? That’s not a very nice name for a dog.”

Shaking his head, he laughed back, “It’s short for Rhadamanthys.”

“Please, don’t give me an explanation for that or anything Benjamin.”

He felt a little embarrassed at its origin, “He was a king in Greek mythology.”

Her eyes narrowed at him, “And _how_ old were you when you named him?”

A long sigh escaped his mouth, “Five.”

Rey sniggered, squeezing his hand again, “You’re a real fucking nerd Solo.”

Ben was extremely aware of this, “I know.”

“It’s probably my favorite thing about you.”

In the place of his soul where the once thought abandoned structures had turned cold began to thrum with life. Ben wanted to know when this dream was supposed to end.

“I…I am glad you came tonight Rey…even though you didn’t want to.”

She smiled and raised her head up towards the sky, “Sure, sure Solo.”

“N-no, really. I am.”

Laughing, she seemed to not take what he was saying seriously, “You never know, maybe our paths would have crossed again.”

He thought on this for a moment, “You think so?”

She nodded, “Yeah…maybe we…would have been neighbors one day or something.”

He felt himself leaning towards her unintentionally, “You’d let me live next to your window apartment?”

“Yeah why not?” Rey posed, “As long as you had your dog there so I could pet him.”

Ben chuckled and breathed in, “I mean, I don’t know. Then I would have to watch you eat Hot Cheetos and other various foods that are terrible for you all the time, and that would drive me _insane_.”

She snorted and shook her head, “I would make so much ramen and grilled cheeses, ripping off the tops of all my muffins.”

“Stop!” He exclaimed, holding a hand to his forehead, “The horror! It’s too much!”

“Well it’s not as if _I_ would want to sit there and watch you constantly make kale smoothies all the time.”

“It wouldn’t be _all_ the time, and,” he sighed, loving this fantasy a little too much, “I could cook for you.”

She looked to him with disbelieving eyes, “You would?”

He nodded vigorously, “Anything you wanted.”

“You would really be shooting yourself in the foot with that one. I don’t even know how to cook, and I would just want you to always make me tacos or something.”

He crossed his arm over himself and reached to tuck her hair behind her ear, “I would.”

Rey bit her lip and looked away from him, almost appearing to be forlorn, and he was afraid he had done something wrong. He didn’t really know what to say.

“In reality, I think I would probably too shy or too stunned to actually go over and say hi to you,” Ben admitted. Probably wouldn’t have even thought he would even be worthy to utter one syllable to her.

She looked back over at him, and it was almost too dark to tell, but he thought he spotted a small tear in the corner of her eye.

“But you talked to me tonight.”

Ben shook his head, “ _You_ initiated the conversation, and I had been drinking; otherwise, I would have probably _never_ had the courage to talk to you.”

Rey laughed, and he was glad he could cheer her up, “I thought you were judging my Cheeto consumption.”

“I probably would have been if I wasn’t too busy being completely gobsmacked by the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.”

She shoved him, “Stop saying that.”

“Why?”

“Because…” she trailed off and inhaled sharply, “because.”

She shivered, and the light sweater she had been wearing that she had pulled out of her purse earlier didn’t seem like it was keeping her warm enough. Ben just noticed that she appeared to be shaking. He unzipped his sweatshirt and scooched closer to her, offering her his open warmth.

Rey looked at him, “I’m okay, thank you.”

“You’re shivering.”

As if on cue, she tremored again, but still shook her head, “Only a little, I’ll be fine.”

Ben paid her stubbornness no mind and pulled her into his lap, wrapping the material of his sweatshirt around her and she sighed, “Well _fine_ , if I’m already here.”

Her cold arms wrapped around him and he sighed as her head rested under his, and he closed his eyes. He chanced running his fingers through her hair a couple of times, wondering what was going to happen to them in the morning when they were sober. More than anything, he hoped that she would want to see him again.

“Rey, could I see you aga—”

Her head shot up to him, and she placed a finger to his lips and searched into his eyes deeply.

For so much of his life, Ben felt like he was a torn up and tattered, worn out piece of fabric, not suitable enough for anyone to stitch up all of the rips that ravaged through him. But right now, as Rey found his gaze, he felt like he could be the tightly braided gold and silver bracelets that she wore around her wrist.

He breathed in gently as her fingers scaled his face upwards, touching where the mole next to his too big of a nose resided. Ben felt like he didn’t even remember how to move when her lips pressed to it briefly, and she backed away slowly, “That one.”

His brows knitted together in befuddlement, “What?”

“That’s my favorite mole on your face.”

Their eyes were locked together again, and he felt like he wanted to question what was going on in her head, but before he could, her eyes scanned all around his face frantically, and she pressed her mouth to his. And for the second time that evening, he felt his mind blank as their lips slid over each other with natural ease.

Where their first kiss was frantic and full of shifting bodies and chaos, this one was softer and slow as her tongue found her way back into his mouth, and his arms skated around her as her hands held his face.

There was no party around them except for the continuous crashing waves that accompanied the noises of their mouths meeting over and over with the soft moans they were both making.

Ben didn’t think he would be lucky enough to kiss this woman again, and yet here he was, his fingers trekking to her ribcage to hold her even closer, and then she repositioned herself so her legs were on either side of him. By the time her mouth kissed across his skin and nibbled at his earlobe, he thought he was going to pass out, which would be entirely unallowed because he wouldn’t be able to kiss her like this, hold her like this, _feel_ her like this.

His hands lowered down her body selfishly as they ventured to her perfect ass, and it fit so amazingly in his hands, and he felt her smile into his mouth while she rolled her hips over him. He groaned into her; he felt himself falling and fading into nothing but Rey as her dizzying lips and all encompassing presence enraptured him.

Emboldened with desire, he raised a shaking hand off of her backside and up to her breast, palming it over her clothes. She gasped, and he began to lay his greedy mouth down her neck and collarbones as his hand continued to work over her.

Her fingers threaded through his hair and she sighed as her hips kept a steady rhythm against him.

“Ben,” she whispered, and he swore he wouldn’t be able to get any harder, but here she was accomplishing just that.

His hand moved off of her to snake up her shirt, pushing up her bra slowly, which released all of that coveted skin Ben was aching to touch, and as soon as he felt her bare breast against his palm, he felt himself unraveling in a frenzy of lust and headiness. If he opened his eyes, he doubted he would even be able to see properly as his second hand raised to meet with her other breast, and she let out such a delicious moan that he swore he could come from only that alone.

Rey started to move faster over him as his fingers toyed and pinched at her enticingly erect nipples, and she grabbed his face to pull him into a breathy, frantic kiss. Ben didn’t think he had ever been more aroused in his life than to see Rey becoming undone on top of him. She broke the kiss and yanked at his hair, which caused him to whine against her neck.

“Can I put my mouth on you Rey?” He asked desperately, a wonton yearning that all of a sudden consumed him.

“Yes,” she let out, “yes, please Ben.”

He was lifting up her shirt without any hesitation and pressed his lips to her small, perfect breast as his hand continued to scour her other one. He laid a few more open mouthed kisses on it before his tongue darted out and traced around her nipple. Rey exhaled harshly with a whimper when he lapped it into his mouth.

“ _Mm_ ,” she keened, pressing herself down with a particularly unyielding grind, and she began to breathe unevenly, “harder.”

Ben did what he was told very enjoyably as he switched to her other breast and sucked on it harshly. His hand lowered to her hip, encouraging her movements against him. If Rey were to finish on him like this, he knew he would never be able to forget how it felt, and he wanted that so irrevocably in his brain, so he continued to lick and suck, even grazing her with teeth as his fingers dug into her skin.

“Please come for me Rey, oh please you are so beautiful,” Ben murmured into her skin.

She let out a short cry, and her rutting against his achingly hard cock became increasingly sporadic. Ben kept his palm over her breast but looked up into her face. Her head was pointed upwards, but she directed it down at him as he witnessed the pleasure all over her face, even in the darkness. Her brows knitted together and she collapsed her forehead on his as she breathed out starkly.

It was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

Her arms wrapped around his neck when it was over, and he adjusted her clothing back into place and rolled her shirt back down. Then held her too, closing his eyes and sighing.

Eventually, she lifted her forehead from his and reached to touch his face. He leaned into it instantly.

She smiled, which gave way to a giggle.

Befuddled, he met her gaze, “What?”

“Nothing, it’s just that… _oh_ yeah, _this_ is happening!”

He exhaled and shook his head, “You little Cheeto grem—”

Then she was kissing him again, so wonderfully, so blithesomely that it was making his head spin all over again. His arms held her tight as they lowered to the ground, and he didn’t even care if he would be covered in sand afterward, even if it was coarse, rough, and irritating. They kissed lazily and blissfully for an inordinate amount of time, and Ben was completely fine with that.

He wasn’t sure when or how her head ended up against his chest, but her hand still raised to his face, and he grabbed it, kissing at her knuckles and held it against him. His fingers just perfunctorily fidgeted with her bracelets again.

“You’re beautiful too Ben,” Rey whispered, nestling herself into him.

Ben grinned madly and looked up into the stars until he fell asleep.

Ben’s eyes opened slowly, to which he was guessing was only a few hours later, and Rey was still on top of him, shivering again. She appeared to still be asleep, so he wrapped his sweatshirt with his arms around her once more, and she sighed in her sleep. He didn’t really think he would be able to fall asleep here again; he battled insomnia on a _good_ day, so he was just content to just lay here with Rey, keeping her warm and serene while she slumbered.

He kissed the top of her head and chanced to run his fingers through her hair again, hoping it wouldn’t rouse her. The realization of him not really being able to keep his hands off of her was beginning to hit him.

As the sky above him began to lighten, he suspected dawn was nearing, and he reflected on all of the events of the evening; this wonderful, stressful, aggravating, and life-altering evening. This couldn’t be real, really, that his astounding woman was even here with him, let alone on top of him after he had kissed her, touched her, and pleasured her like he had. He was right before too, he was never going to get the feel of her glorious tits in his hands and mouth, or how she looked when she finished on him out of his head.

It was something he welcomed entirely, though, if he wasn’t careful, he knew that he could hard again very quickly if he didn’t stop himself.

Besides how amazingly the night had come to a close, there was still everything that had transpired before it. Meeting her, getting to know her, losing his temper, and leaving all in a drunken haze. He was definitely going to have to check up with Poe to see if he was alright.

He sighed squeezing Rey tightly again, not wanting to face the morning and all of the inevitable questions that came along with it. He felt the magic of the evening slipping into the fading darkness.

In a way, he felt like Rey had sewn up one, tiny stitch in all of the rips along the vast tatters. He wanted to know what that meant, and that both exhilarated him and terrified him at the same time.

And Ben, in all of his self-indulgency, wondered if perhaps, he could help Rey stitch up some of her rips too. He knew though, in his heart, he wouldn’t be worthy of it. He was far too ripped apart and wouldn’t be enough for her. Fear settled into his soul.

As his thoughts really started to get away from him, he felt Rey stir, and he looked up to find her groaning and stretching in the most endearing manner. Then she was peering up at him.

“Hey,” Ben greeted, touching at her face with the pads of his fingers.

“Hey,” she parroted, grinning a bit and dropped her head again, nuzzling into his chest, “you make an excellent mattress.”

He chuckled, trekking his hands up and down her spine, “Please leave that on my Yelp profile.”

Rey giggled back, “Yes, California king sized human mattress with built in luxury heater, five stars.”

Smiling at her words, Ben felt like he was probably going to melt right into the sand, “Oh, well looks like I’ve got a perfect record because you are the only reviewer.”

Sitting up now, she poked at his chest, “Shut _up_ Solo.”

He loved it when she became adorably irritated with him.

Her gaze found the inevitable horizon, “Wow, it’s almost morning.”

Ben sat up with her, “You want to watch the sunrise with me?”

Eyes with so many undecipherable emotions met his, and she blinked and slowly nodded, “Okay.”

Rey sat with her back facing him and his legs surrounding her. His arms wound around her as his chin rested on her shoulder.

And as the sun rose up over the distant mountains, Ben emptied out his lungs with a finality, as if it was cleansing his soul as the pinks and yellows of the morning shined upon them. He felt resplendent and present for the first time in he didn’t even know how long.

He heard Rey sigh against him taking one of his hands in front of herself as if she were studying it once again, fingers tracing over the lines of his palm and the couple of freckles he had there as well. If her hands were restless, he would let her occupy herself with any expanses of his skin.

And as her hand laid itself flat on top of his in a repeating gesture of affection, he realized he wanted her to stitch not have but one stitch, and instead have the most beautiful pattern woven into his used and frayed heart, the worn out fabric yearning for her strands.

He didn’t want to be so broken. He didn’t want to be so lost. He just wanted to feel like he was enough, even with all of his tatters.

Ben’s eyes flicked up to the sunrise again for a few moments until he felt Rey’s fingers on his wrist. He watched her tie one of her bracelets around it. The task was a bit of a struggle as the bracelet barely fit around it, but soon enough, it was secured, and Ben felt himself floating up into the sky and literal tears in his eyes.

He pulled her against him, his hand settling over her heart, which was beating as rapidly as his.

“Rey, please tell me I will get to see you again.”

His heart sunk and cascaded into the sand, spreading out over the grains when he heard her sniffle.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea Ben.”

He struggled to respond, but he pushed forward as he felt her stitch unraveling, “And why not?”

Letting out a shaky breath, and shook her head, “Because…last night—it was,” she trailed off, “it should be just that…last night.”

“But I don’t want it to be one night.”

“It’s for the best.” She stated, disentangling herself from him.

Why had she done all that she did for him then? Everything from agreeing to be his beer pong partner to walking him out of that party?

Ben felt absolutely speechless as she was all of a sudden moving to stand up, and he couldn’t believe his horrid life. By the time he stood up himself, she had thrown her purse over her shoulder and paused, not even being able to look at him, “Goodbye Ben.”

Her back was to him, but he was stalking off behind her, “No, this can’t be it.”

She barely looked back to him, “It has to be.”

“ _Why_?” He belted out so forcefully, “Then why did you even talk to me at all? Why did you calm me down after everything with Poe? Why did you kiss me here on the beach?”

She stopped again, and Ben wanted to look into her eyes so badly, “How could I not?”

Her quiet admittance only fueled his fire, “So you _do_ feel this? That there is…something here, please, you have to tell me you feel it too!”

He thought there was just no way all of this was one sided, and then she was finally turning to him, apparent tears in her eyes and her hands formed into fists, “Of course I feel it! Because last night was amazing and wonderful and so are you, but I just—I can’t do this shit…it _scares_ me.”

He approached her, lifting his hand to touch her face, but then held himself back, “It scares me too.”

Rey breathed in, eyes almost appearing wild, “You don’t—you don’t even _know_ me Ben.”

Then she was turning away from him, strutting forward in the sand, and he let her get a few steps ahead as he deflated and he called after, “But I _want_ to. I want to know you Rey.”

And for the first time, when she turned back to him again, Ben saw that sad, lonely girl that had been far too often tossed aside, “ _Why_? Why Ben? Let me just save you a lot of heartbreak and let you know that I am not worth all of the trouble.”

Ben looked down into the sand and held back the tears he felt, “Neither am I.”

She grunted, “Stop _saying_ shit like that to me. It’s not _fair_ ,” she yelled with her voice breaking at the end of it, “where would we be if two fucked up people kept kidding themselves about trying to make this work? I’ve seen it far too many times, and I know it just _can’t_.”

“ _Please_ Rey,” he begged as he was chasing after her once more, desperate for her to listen to anything he was saying at this point, knowing she had no ride, “how—how are you even going to get home?”

“I don’t know; I’ll figure something out. I always do.”

“Let me take you.”

She laughed hollowly, “Would you just cut the bullshit Ben? Cut the act like you give two fucks because I don’t need you to save me and I certainly don’t need you to _fix_ me.”

And there it was, and she said it with such finality, that it took all of the air out of his lungs and he felt like collapsing into the sand, his fragile heart ripped to shreds. And Ben was that scared, lonely boy again that no one took a second look at, too busy to see how much he just wanted them to be there when he needed them the most. He was resigned to letting her go, never seeing her again, and he would spend the rest of his life wondering what if he had changed this moment. This moment right now.

He matched her strides and then some, thankful for his big, dumb legs for once in his life and grabbed her wrist, turning her to face him. She looked almost feral, her anger emanating off of her.

“ _Ben_ —”

Then he did the only thing he could think of; he grabbed her face and kissed her. He kissed her like he was going to die without her mouth on his. He kissed her with all of the emotions, hurt, and anguish that he couldn’t put into words.

And he felt her return it, melt into it as all the anger she had ready to trigger at him dissipated. Because Ben knew this anger as he had felt it more times than he could count, and he knew that just below the surface of it, there was someone there who was just hurt and wanted to _feel_ wanted. And Ben wanted to give her that.

He kissed her a few more times softly against her lips, and he pulled away only just enough to meet her eyes, “I want to know you because you are kind. Because you are beautiful and determined inside and out. Because you—you were there for me when I really needed someone, and I don’t want to fix you any more than I want you to fix me,” he explained as a fresh set of tears formed in her eyes.

“We’re just going to hurt each other.” She whispered weakly.

He ran his thumbs over her cheekbones, “Probably…but we could also make each other happy too.”

Then he kissed her again and her hands enclosed over his. When his lips broke it, he rested his forehead on hers, “Please let me take you home.”

Rey let out a breath, “Okay,” she said quietly.

Ben pulled away from her and kissed her forehead, taking her hand for once and leading her to the long trek back to his car. And she didn’t protest once the entire way.

“Oh shit, Rey.” He blurted out as soon as they had gotten into his car.

She looked to him with concern, “What?”

“I don’t—I don’t think I can drive.”

Her eyes widened, “Are you still drunk? If you want I can do it.”

“No, no it’s not that—I just,” he stammered, rubbing at his eye, “I think there’s still some cheese in my cornea from last night—”

She leaned over and smacked him hard in the shoulder, “Oh, _you_.”

He smiled deviously and grabbed his seatbelt, “So how am I getting you home?”

Rey smiled, securing her seatbelt around herself as well, “Go up the PCH to the 23 and get on the 101.”

“That would make us backtrack, wouldn’t it make more sense if we went the other way and took the 27? We’re going to the valley after all, aren’t we?”

Scoffing, she looked away from him, “I never told you I lived in the valley.”

He turned on his car and reversed, so he could pull behind the car in front of him and drive up the street, “No, but you told me you go to LA Valley, so I kind of assumed.”

“Ohhh, so _sorry_ your highness, I didn’t know you were even aware of where us plebians resided.”

Ben processed her comment for a couple of seconds and then let out the largest bout of laughter, almost so much so that he felt tears in the corner of his eyes, and he greatly had to concentrate on driving as he turned onto the Pacific Coast Highway.

“What is so funny?”

“There’s like _no_ way you just called me that.” Ben cajoled, still laughing a bit.

“What, your highness?”

“That was a…not so favored nickname I had in high school.”

He looked to Rey, and she could tell that the gears were turning in her head, and she smiled widely, “Because your mom’s the mayor?”

“Because my mom’s the mayor.”

She made him gasp a little bit when she grabbed his hand, “Well I think it’s a very fitting nickname.”

Ben smirked down at their wrists with their matching bracelets, “I like it a lot better when you say it.”

Sighing, Rey looked out the window to the ocean and lazily traced up and down his palm.

On their journey to her residence, Ben found he loved bickering with her, like what lane to be in on the freeway, what radio station to listen to; she had gotten a visceral reaction from him when she had stumbled upon a jazz station because he _loathed_ the genre, which only gave her a devious smirk, and Ben felt like she was only logging that away for later. Then he was trying to tell her that he wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with the San Fernando Valley when they got on the 101, and she rolled her eyes.

“What? I’ve been here…before.”

“Yeah? _When_? Is there a crown shining place here or something?”

He smirked, “Yeah, it’s on Reseda. I go there like all the time. They even shine my many ostentatious rings and dry clean my capes.”

Rey was silent and looked like she was contemplating something, “What?”

“Oh, I was just picturing you in a cape. I need a moment.”

Ben giggled and held up her hand to kiss her knuckles.

When they had finally made it to the outside of her apartment complex, Ben didn’t want her to go. He should have just offered her a room in his stupid empty mansion; there was like no one else there ever anyway—

“Well, I guess this is goodbye,” Rey stated, interrupting his outrageous thoughts.

“Yeah.”

She sighed and unbuckled her seatbelt, no longer meeting his gaze, “Look Ben, I—I don’t know still—this is all so much—”

“We’ll take it slow…I don’t think I could handle a faster rate either.”

Rey let out a sigh of relief, “Okay.”

“Maybe we could start with me…taking you out on a date?”

Rey shrugged, “Only if there is tepid cheese involved.”

Shaking his head with a smirk, “If that’s what it takes.”

She opened the car door, and he thought for a couple of horrifying moments that she was just going to book it without giving him her number or even saying goodbye, that maybe she had been placating him this entire time just so he would drop it and ultimately leave her alone, but she quickly turned back to him and planted her mouth on his, and his hand slid up to her face easily as they basically made out for about thirty seconds, and then she was pulling away, slipping a piece of paper into his hand and smiling.

“Call me sometime sasquatch.”

Then she was out the door, and he was watching her walk up the steps of her building and he sighed, looking down at the paper once she was gone to see what he hoped was her actual phone number. He took it as a good sign that it started with an 818.

By the time he made it home, he was exhausted. He had called Poe on the way, in order to apologize for basically ditching him after dipping out of the party with Rey. Ben also wanted to make sure he was okay. Poe laughed when he apologized.

“If you thought that I would _ever_ want you to pull away from that girl for even one second for me, then you obviously don’t know me very well.”

Ben smiled, then debriefing to his best friend what had occurred throughout the evening that he was not privy to, and again, Poe was cracking up.

“You said _that_ line to her and she _still_ wanted your junk? Damn, she must be a keeper.”

He sighed, nodding despite the fact that Poe couldn’t see him, “She definitely is.”

“I’m proud of you buddy. I was just happy to see you guys making out on the couch.”

Shaking his head, he turned on his signal to get back on the 101 in order to drive home, “How long did you sit there and watch us?”

“Only for a couple of minutes when y’all first started. Trey and I had made a bet on whether or not you would actually seal the deal. It was touch and go for a while, but you pulled through.”

Ben was entirely unsurprised by Poe’s actions and was actually expecting him to watch them for longer, but he probably had his own business to attend to with Trey. When Ben thought of that, Poe must have too because he heard him sigh on the other side of the line, “Thanks again for last night man. I would have never asked you to do that for me, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”

“That’s why I did it.”

“I know.”

Now Ben was home and he sighed as he stared up at his much too big house that was most likely devoid of all life. He really needed to find a place of his own, but he also didn’t want to be that rich kid that just always depended on his parents’ money. That was a problem for future Ben anyway. Current Ben just needed a shower and a long mini coma of a rest.

When he walked in, Threepio greeted him immediately, “Master Ben! Where have you been? Your mother has been worried sick about you!”

He furrowed his eyebrows at his butler, “What are you talking about? She’s not even here—”

“Benjamin Anakin Solo, now just who do you think you are, worrying your poor mother like that!?” Leia Organa herself yelled to him from the stairs, “I’ve called you about fifty times and left so many text messages. Why do you even have that thing if you’re not going to use it?”

Ben hadn’t even noticed all the missed calls as he had just distractedly pulled out his phone while he was driving to call Poe. And he hadn’t actually expected his mother to care or notice that he was gone for over twenty-four hours, “I—I’m sorry mom.”

She approached him and took in his appearance, “It looks like you were hit by a truck, were you out with Poe all night or something?”

“Yeah.”

Leia sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, “Ben, I know you’re an adult now, and you are allowed to have your freedom, but at least tell me where you are. I was beginning to think you were dead in a ditch somewhere.”

Honestly, Ben was beyond shocked that she was even here, saying all of these things to him at all, “R-really?”

Leia looked to him incredulously, “Of course Benny, honey. Why wouldn’t I be?”

He shrugged, “I just didn’t think you ever cared where I was.”

He watched his mother’s face fall, and it looked like he had just broken her heart all over again, “Oh, my son,” she reached up to his face, “I know there’s still a lot of work to be done between us, but always know that I love you and I will always want to know you are safe.”

Normally, Ben probably would have written her off. Normally, he probably would have lashed out and thought that was making a cheap excuse for all those times she wasn’t there for him when she should have been. But after the gut wrenching and emotionally raw night that lead into the morning he had just experienced, he looked into her eyes, and for the first time in so long, his heart shifted and he saw the pattern that she had stitched there from so long ago, waiting there, willing for him to see it. And his father’s. And even his uncle’s. He sighed, feeling so very overwhelmed by all of this as he embraced the much smaller woman.

“I really am sorry mom. I’ll let you know next time.”

She looked up at him when they pulled away, “That’s all I want Benny.”

He nodded to her, and he leaned down so she could kiss him on his cheek.

When he made it to his room, it was so difficult for him not to just collapse on his bed and sleep for the next three years, but he felt all that sand all around him…he was pretty sure some it was still in his ass crack, so he told himself that he would _need_ to shower before he could ever think about getting into his bed. He was still his mother’s son at the end of the day. A complete neat freak. Then he smiled when he remembered how all of that sand had gotten there in the first place.

He beamed and took out his phone, putting it on the charger as it was almost dead, and didn’t even care about basic dating decorum and waiting however long to call or text. He added the 818 number Rey had given him on that piece of paper and texted her immediately, informing her that it was him. When she hadn’t responded in five seconds, he thought he would leave it alone and shower.

It took him about half an hour until he had gotten all of the sand out of his hair, and he swore he still missed some, and there was going to more pouring out of his ears for the rest of his life, but he thought it had all been worth it for every second he was on that beach with Rey. He had left the bracelet on.

He was toweling off his hair and put on a clean pair of underwear by the time he broke down and checked his phone. The biggest grin he felt like he had let out in a while formed on his face as he saw there were two texts from Rey. She had responded with a ‘Oh hey’ and sent him one of the pictures she had taken of them last night. He looked entirely goofy, and she looked absolutely luminous with all of that cheese surrounding them, but he saved it to his phone nonetheless. That all felt like it was ages ago.

And as he giggled and got under his covers, discussing all of the places the two of them had sand in different parts of their bodies, he started to feel the pattern Rey was stitching. And it was thrilling. And it was scary. And he knew that his fucked up head would probably get him into trouble, but just couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment because he was so stupidly happy for once in his life.

His eyes started to droop, but he held on as long as possible to keep responding to her.

The last thing he thought of before he slipped into unconsciousness was all of the people who had stitched themselves into him, and in these smaller designs, he found that there was a much larger meaning to it all.

That all of these people, no matter how much happiness or pain was used to thread the needle, had all worked together to make up the parts of him.

**Author's Note:**

> WOW YOU GUYS! This is what we call the misadventures of ear boy and skinny girl...basically we all know grumpy sasquatch Ben would be immediately smitten with feral gremlin Rey lololol.
> 
> I am very into dragging you through like 50,000 different emotions in my writing lol. SOOOO yeah, that was our idiots being idiots. If you don't know, Keep the Blinds Open is like a suuuuuuuper slow burn, so this is what happens when they are horny teenagers with alcohol lol, MUUUUUUCh faster BAHAHHA. But hey, like what you see with these two? Do you like slow burns, banter, angst, eventual smut, and the fluffiest fluFF of these two dumb dumbs living their best life with a happy ending?? Then go check out my fic because trust me, they are idiots there too. Just older with a lot more emotional constipation 😬😬😬
> 
> I had so much fun writing this, so I appreciate you reading it whether you are a fan of my work or this is your first time! I have even more WIPs that I am working through, so be on the look out eventually for my other fics! I am so very thankful for every single one of you! 🥰🥰🥰
> 
> Sorry, I used a lot of LA jargon, so here are some links if you are interested: [PCH](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_State_Route_1), [The "valley"](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Fernando_Valley), [Zuma beach](https://beaches.lacounty.gov/zuma-beach/).
> 
> Please come follow me and say hello on [tumblr](https://starsscarmyceiling.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/starsmyceiling)!


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